For many, it’s common knowledge that journaling about life events that are detrimental aids in the coping process. Journaling in and of itself has been proven to help clarify thoughts, understand more about who you are, reduce stress, solve problems and resolve disputes with other individuals with clearer perspective. Overall, journaling has been said to help one’s health and wellbeing.
But further studies on the benefits of journaling have been completed, and do somewhat contradict prior findings in some cases. According to a study which evaluated the effects of “expressive writing” (writing about emotions or feelings), some people with a certain personality trait of “brooding” (showing unhappiness) may not benefit from journaling expressively.
Participants were taken from a sample of individuals who had just completed a divorce months before. They were split into 3 groups and given assignments. Those who were told to expressively write about their divorce and the emotions they held over their separation showed a higher correlation with worse emotional disturbances than those who were simply told to journal (the control group) about their lives after divorce. The study also showed, through psychological evaluation, that those who showed a general unhappiness benefitted least from expressively writing.
Another study expanded on the findings of this study, which evaluated a larger sample to see what effects expressive writing (vs. general journaling) would have on average heart rate, heart rate variability, and blood pressure. The study found that expressive writing (in narrative form) about a divorce had a positive impact on heart rate variability, even on individuals who tended to relive negative emotions in their writing. So, even individuals who still struggled with their lives post-divorce showed improvements in heart rate variability. These are somewhat strange findings, but as a reminder, these are correlations – meaning this is not definitive proof.
Essentially, social psychologists have, for years and years, shown that construction of life narratives through writing can have great benefits on both psychological and physiological health. However, according to these two interacting studies, those who have undergone a divorce and tend to write expressively, ruminating on negative emotions, might want to stray from journaling.
It may come as a surprise, but gray divorce, which describes divorcing couples over the age of 50, constitutes 25% of today’s divorces. In fact, today people who are 50 and older are twice as likely to divorce than they were in 1990.
This research information comes from the National Center for Family and Marriage Research at Bowling Green State University in Ohio. (Reported in Nextaveue.org)
Five main reasons for couples divorcing later in life include:
Growing apart. Most gray divorces are years in the making and aren’t sudden occurrences. Take Al and Tipper Gore for example. After spending 40 years together, they decided to divorce and it came as a surprise to many people, but couples can grow apart.
Age differences. As people hit middle age, some take stock of their lives and want to reinvent themselves. An age difference at a younger age may not matter to couples, but a viewpoint shift tends to happen around 40.
Boredom. Sometimes people become so complacent that their relationships become boring. They quit giving their partner the attention that keeps that spark alive and makes the marriage vital.
Finances. Conflict can arise when spouses have different financial goals. One spouse wants to save money and the other wants to spend it. When they have increased financial responsibilities, like sending kids to college or paying for medical expenses, it can put stress on the relationship. After awhile, all the minor conflicts add up and reach a tipping point, which leads to divorce.
Sexual incompatibility. As couple age, their sex drives change and hormonal shifts in each person may be quite different for one than in the other. Once again, this is a manifestation of two people growing apart, but in this case the gap is regarding sexual compatibility.
There are many factors to weigh when considering divorce, and it is wise to seek legal advice. Attorney Chris Palermo is diligent about providing you with sound legal guidance and protecting your interests.
During divorce, “alienation of affection” refers to a situation where a spouse believes that another man or woman stole the affections of his/her spouse. Emotions typically fly high in this type of situation.
Lawyers.com uses “alienation of affection” to describe lawsuits filed against third-party lovers or “home wreckers.” The claim is that the actions of the third party caused the spouse to lose affection and leave the other spouse.
This law used to exist in New York and many other states, but today only a few states still have alienation of affection laws: Hawaii, Illinois, Mississippi, New Mexico, North Carolina, South Dakota and Utah.
New York was the first state to establish an alienation of affection law in 1864, but at that time, it only applied to men, and men could sue another man for stealing his wife from him. The law regarded women as property back then, and women did not have the same legal right to sue for damages until later on, when they were no longer regarded as property. The law later evolved into being a way to preserve and protect families. However, most courts eventually abolished the law for a number of reasons, and among them was seeing that the law fostered revenge rather than reconciliation.
As you fast forward to 2017, while there’s no legal action to sue someone for dating your spouse while divorce is pending, that does not mean dating during divorce is a good idea. In fact, it could negatively influence your case and cause judges to rule against you in custody or child support cases. Potentially, the emotional harm to children is substantial because it exposes them to further confusion and upset. Most judges would view you as insensitive to your children’s needs if you dated while your divorce was pending.
It is important to consult with a lawyer early on in your divorce case so you can avoid actions that would further complicate divorce. Attorney Chris Palermo offers compassionate legal representation that helps guide you through a challenging divorce.
While no divorce is ever easy, some divorces are the epitome of divorce gone wrong. Rational thinking is absent and emotions become explosive. As the crazy side of yourself and your partner emerges, you find yourselves arguing over the “kitchen sink.” Maintaining a rational perspective can be difficult, and for this reason it is vital to hire a seasoned divorce lawyer. A divorce attorney will protect your interests and advise so you can listen to a voice of reason.
It is important to consult with a lawyer early on in a divorce case to avoid unnecessary entanglements. Don’t allow your emotions to get the best of you. Attorney Chris Palermo offers compassionate legal help and can help you protect their rights.
In 1989 People magazine reported about a network called “Children of the Underground.” Faye Yager emerged as the movement’s leader. This movement helped men and women hide their kids as a way of escaping partners they alleged were abusive, but to whom the courts granted custody.
Newsweek reported that the United States Department of Justice estimates family members abducted 203,900 children in 1999, which is the most recent year for records estimating child abduction. By comparison, this is more than triple the number of stranger abductions. In family abduction cases, 21 percent of the time, children are gone for a month or longer. However, only 28 percent of children abducted by family members are reported as missing to law officials.
In a New York Times interview in 1992, Yager said she assisted some 2,000 families in hiding children. Reports describe the network as consisting of ministers, homemakers, people involved in domestic violence shelters, women’s groups and everyday people. They have used birth certificates of deceased people for new names to hide the runaways. The underground network’s purpose was to disclose the fact that courts had failed to protect abused children and running became the last resort. The movement forged ahead as child abuse became increasingly an issue during the late 20th century. As lawsuits mounted against Yager, she disappeared.
Even so, the network still exists, only Yager flies under the radar more evasively today and the movement isn’t publicized.
In the Minnesota case where the Rucki girls disappeared, the couple that harbored the girls at their ranch face felony charges of parental alienation for helping hide the girls for two and a half years. The couple’s lawyers deny their involvement in any formal network.
In September 2016, Dede Evavold was prosecuted for deprivation of child custody in the Sandra Rucki Teenager Family Abduction Case and found guilty. She was associated with the underground network.
Whether you feel the courts ruled unfairly about abuse or your child has been abducted, going the legal route and hiring a competent attorney is your best recourse for the issues involved.
Attorney Chris Palermo is diligent about providing you with sound legal help and protecting your rights.
During divorce, emotions fly high, conversations become heated and threats are often made. One parent alleges abuse by the other parent. Yet, the other parent counters with claims of parental alienation (brainwashing). So, which is it — abuse or brainwashing? The courts must examine the facts and decide which it is.
Following a bitter divorce in Minnesota, ABC News reported about a case with claims of abuse and parental alienation in 2016. After the father was awarded custody, his two teenage sisters disappeared for almost three years.
Parental alienation involves one parent feeding lies to the children about the other parent who is portrayed as bad and unloving. The alienating parent hammers on the other parent’s flaws until the children completely withdraw and may even pull away from the whole extended family. Often in these cases, the alienated parent is accused of being abusive.
The court has the job of determining whether abuse actually exists or whether the parent claiming abuse is simply alienating the children.
According to George Washington University law professor Joan Meier, judges often assume children were brainwashed to lie instead of believing that abuse actually occurred. She says that child abuse cases must be substantiated by strong evidence or you will lose custody because the court will assume parental alienation occurred. She did a pilot study where 80 percent of parental alienation cases involving mothers alleging child abuse against the father ended up with the mother losing either primary or joint custody of the kids.
In the Minnesota case, the mother lost child custody after alleging abuse, and when her girls disappeared she faced felony charges for hiding the girls and was put in jail with bail set at $1 million. The girls were discovered nearly three years later, living at a farm less than three hours from their home. When they disappeared, no Amber Alert was issued, no police press conferences were held and no manhunt was undertaken to find them.
Slowly, the truth came to light in this case after the girls were found. On July 28, a jury found the mother, Sandra Grazzini-Rucki, guilty of six felony charges for hiding her two teenage daughters from their father for more than two years.
It is important to seek legal help early on in a divorce case so your attorney can gather necessary evidence to prepare a strong case on your behalf or effectively negotiate an acceptable settlement. Attorney Chris Palermo offers compassionate legal help an can help you protect their rights.
The decision to divorce is life changing, and unanswered questions can linger in the back of your mind, making you uncertain or insecure about your decisions.
Scientific American reported about research that could be helpful to know.
Should you stay in an unhappy marriage to protect your kids from the harmful effects of divorce?
Every year about 1.5 million children live in families where their parents divorce. According to one research study, only a small percentage of children suffer from serious problems related to divorce. On the short term, the divorce may seem traumatic. Your children may react with anger, anxiety, sadness or shock. However, kids overall recover quickly, and usually by the end of the second year after divorce, such negative emotions disappear. Studies showed that children from intact families and divorced families didn’t differ significantly.
What effects do high levels of parental conflict have on children?
Children subjected to high parental conflict had a more difficult time adjusting in life. This is true whether within a marriage or during or after divorce. Despite this fact, children in high conflict families experienced less shock when learning their parents were getting a divorce. Children were more prepared to hear about the divorce and were less surprised or terrified by the news. Some even experienced relief.
How can you reduce the factors that would adversely affect your children?
You can limit your conflict associated with the divorce process or avoid exposing your child to the conflict. The better you adjust to life changes after divorce, the more likely your child is to adjust well too. Open communication with your children and answering their questions helps them. Good parenting that provides warmth and support and economic stability are also positive influences. Socially supporting your kids and social support from other adults like teachers and the children’s peers can also help them bounce back from the divorce.
Work with a Divorce Lawyer You Can Trust
If you’re contemplating divorce and have questions Attorney Chris Palermo is glad to provide you with experienced legal guidance. He can help you make the right decisions.
The divorce between Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie has become high profile in today’s news. It’s not often that a celebrity divorce earns its own nickname. In this case, the press is calling it the “Brangelina Split.”
Even though each parent is worth many millions, the main contested divorce issue is child custody of their six children.
As in many divorces, if the couple can reach a settlement outside of court, they have better chances of making their divorce more amicable. It remains to be seen how they will resolve the custody issue, but here are some benchmarks along the road of their divorce.
Angelina Jolie filed for divorce at the end of September 2016 and sought sole child custody. Allegations of abuse emerged against Brad Pitt shortly after she filed.
In October, USA Today published an article that disclosed the temporary custody arrangement was for Angelina to have sole custody and Brad to have visitation. They worked out the agreement through the Los Angeles County Department of Children and Family Services (DCFS). The agreement included terms of Brad submitting to random drug/alcohol testing and both parents undergoing separate and family counseling. Brad’s first visit with the children was to be monitored by a therapist, but that stipulation was not necessary an ongoing requirement for later visits.
On November 9, USA Today reported that the LA County DCFS cleared Brad Pitt after exhaustively investigating charges of Pitt’s alleged abuse against his 15 year old son. Brad Pitt subsequently has filed for joint custody of the children.
Their divorce case is being heard in California, and under state law, courts favor awarding joint custody whenever possible. Generally, parents enjoy a 50/50 parenting time arrangement so both parents can spend time with their children. Children over 14 years of age typically can state their preference during custody proceedings and the court takes their view into consideration.
Attorney Chris Palermo offers compassionate legal help for individuals seeking divorce to help protect their rights.
When relocation is a considerable distance, it affects a number of things — parenting time with the children, the children’s school, extended family, friends and community involvement.
Various cases have come before the New York Appellate Court and rulings show there are no one-size-fits-all factors in deciding cases. Two cases the New York Court of Appeals decided in 1996 established the precedent that each case must be considered individually without “formulae and presumptions.”
In the case Tropea v. Tropea, the original custody court order prevented either parent from moving outside of Onondaga County without judicial approval. The mother became engaged to an architect with an established firm in Schenectady. She was expecting a child and wanted to relocate. She offered a liberal visitation schedule, providing frequent and extended contact and driving the children to and from the father’s Syracuse home. The father contested based on his involvement —coaching the children’s football and baseball teams, participation in religion classes and academic education involvement. The lower court denied relocation. The Appellate Court reversed the decision, finding the move to be in the children’s best interests and that the father would retain regular and meaningful access. The scheduled awarded the father substantial weekend, summer and vacation visitation with the children.
In the Matter of Browner v. Kenward, the Appellate Court also reversed a lower court’s decision, finding in favor of a mother moving to Pittsfield, MA where her parents were moving, which was 130 miles from the father’s Westchester County home. The court based its decision on the children’s best interests. The grandparents provided the children with significant support and would enhance the emotional well being of the child. The move would also reduce bickering between the parents.
Relocation can often be complicated. Suffolk County Divorce Lawyer Chris Palermo provides you with compassionate legal guidance and can help you make the right decisions.
Whether you call it joint child custody, co-parenting, or shared parental responsibility, when parents can raise their children together without a high degree of conflict, statistics show this type of parenting is best for the children.
Or course, parents divorce because they are unable to resolve issues in their marital relationship. Naturally, barriers exist in getting along with each other that they must overcome for joint child custody to work.
What Children Prefer
An article in Psychology Today lists reasons why co-parenting is the preferred arrangement. The article promotes considering what is in the child’s best interests from a child’s perspective. It offers arguments for shared responsibility, stating that shared responsibility does the following:
When violence and high conflict aren’t an issue, children typically want both parents in their lives and want to have meaningful relationships with both parents.
New York courts weigh a child’s preference on custody more heavily when the child is 13 years or older, and this is true even when they do not rule as a child would want. Courts also try not to separate siblings from each other whenever possible.
Do You Have Questions about Child Custody?
Attorney Chris Palermo is glad to answer your questions, help you consider all the aspects of child custody and to protect your rights as a parent.